I recently started going to a personal trainer in downtown Manhattan at this new fitness club called Work. So far I've been about 4 times and I've learned quite a few valuable life lessons from my trainer friend - let's call him "G".
G's Rules to Live By (and my snarky comments below):
1. No eating anything after 7pm
- Not so realistic in my line of work, when I typically leave the office around 7
2. To lose weight, workouts won't really help you. You have to 'deprive yourself'.
- Which I translated to: start developing an eating disorder.
3. Oatmeal for breakfast and tuna salad for lunch everyday
- Eating that healthy sounds boring and very monotonous. Plus no sweets?
4. You can only eat grapefruit (or any other fruit that has squeezable juice), absolutely never allowed to eat a fatty fruit like bananas
- F U. I like bananas, they are full of potassium and goodness.
5. One must go to the gym only in the morning time, otherwise it's a waste to workout at night because you are just burning off the day's food intake
- I hate the mornings, full stop. Plus I have only 3 channels on my TV so I have to go to the gym at night to watch something other than C-SPAN.
6. Go tanning (he's especially insistent on me lying face down?)
- Too bad skin cancer runs in my family and I'm not too keen on melanoma.
7. Have your nails polished & pretty
- He's seriously obsessed with my nails and likes to comment on them each time he sees me.
8. Fight like a boy in the ring
- I actually like this rule. Boxing is fun :)
9. Don't workout the same muscles two days in a row
- I guess this makes sense but I really just want to get toned arms and flat abs damnit!
Given that these individual sessions are quite costly, plus I think G is bordering on being mentally abusive it's probably a good idea for me to just go back to walking on the treadmill and watching my favorite reality shows at night.
Who's with me??